Designed by Brett Gurewitz in 1980.
"SCROOGE: Bah, humbug, every body.
CHORUS: Good morning, Mr. Scrooge!
SCROOGE: Well, the meeting will come to order, if you please. Are all the advertising people represented here?
CHORUS: Everyone except Amalgamated Cheese!
SCROOGE: Well, if they're not here for the Christmas pitch, I can't help them find new ways of tying their product in to Christmas. That's why I'm chairman of this board! Let's hear it for me!
CHORUS: Hear, hear!
SCROOGE: All right, Abercrombie, what are your people up to?
ABERCROMBIE: Ahhh, same thing as every year. Fifty thousand billboards showing Santa Claus pausing to refresh himself with our product.
SCROOGE: Mmm-hmmm, well, I think the public has come to expect that and...
ABERCROMBIE: That's right. It's become tradition!
SCROOGE: You there, Crass, uhh, I suppose your company's running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of Santa's sack?
CRASS: Better than that! This year we have him smoking one.
CRASS: Yes. We've got Santa a little more rugged, too. Both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm. One of 'em says "Merry Christmas."
SCROOGE: What does the other one say?
CRASS: "Less tar"!
SCROOGE: Great stuff!
CRATCHIT: But Mr. Scrooge...
SCROOGE: What? Who are you?
CRATCHIT: Bob Cratchit, sir. I've got a little spice company over in East Orange, New Jersey. Do I have to tie my product in to Christmas?
SCROOGE: What do you mean?
CRATCHIT: Well, I was just going to send cards out showing the Three Wise Men following the Star of Bethlehem...
SCROOGE: I get it! And they're bearing your spices. Now that's perfect.
CRATCHIT: No, no... no product in it. I was just going to say, "Peace on Earth...Good Will Toward Men."
MAN: Well, that's a peculiar slogan!
SCROOGE: Old hat, Cratchit! That went out with button shoes! You're a businessman... Christmas is something to take advantage of!
SCROOGE: A red-and-green bandwagon to jump on!
SCROOGE: A sentimental shot-in-the-arm for sales! Listen!"
-Daws Butler and Stan Freberg, "Green Chri$tma$" (1958)